I am a writer, poet, and blogger. I have had a love affair with writing for 28 years and we are still going strong. Since August 2009 I have been writing a relationship blog Loverzquarrel’s Blog http://loverzquarrel.wordpress.com and more recently I launched an online self-help magazine entitled Cultivation of You (COY) http://coymag.wordpress.com . I pride myself on sharing various experiences to help someone else. I anticipate that you can learn from my mistakes and take away a bit of wisdom from my growth process in love and life. You can reach me @sweetnectar2480 on Twitter, thanks. Take care!
Men why are you so afraid to love? It is frustrating to look for love among those that fear it. Fear breeds content. Some of you are content and dare I say comfortable living in the fear of happiness. It is as if you are adamant believers in the waiting for the other shoe to drop concept.
Many of you are emotionally unavailable. The main concern of men seems to be protecting your heart so much that it is closed off from love. Rendering it incapable of loving someone else and void of emotional attachment. Please do not allow your past to dictate your future. Many of us women are scared too. We have to conquer this fear together. We all have battle scars and love scorned hearts. We anticipate the heartbreak forgetting how our heart aches for love. Yearning for someone to turn to, someone who understands and love us flaws and all.
Often times I’ve met men whose heart was crushed and then was sent back to him in pieces. They are often so afraid to love that they reject a great catch for fear of being rejected again. The fear of the unknown terrifies them rendering them incapable of conveying the words to describe what they are truly running from. They themselves don’t even know.
Case in point, a childhood friend wanted to date me for years. Finally after decades of avoidance, I gave him a shot. Everything was going good until the emotional attachment began. The closer I became, the more he withdrew until he stepped out of the picture completely. He would do this two more times before I realized he was terrified to love me. He was afraid I was going to hurt him in some way despite the fact I came to him with an open and honest heart void of malicious intent. He would rather lose me then love me right back. I had to tell him that his disappearing act had run its course. I knew he was running from love not me.
Men, we need you to be so strong that we forget sometimes you are weak. Sometimes you get scared and run and hide. Of course we want you to come out and face us because we are not your enemy. However, neither one of us communicate how we are feeling for the fear (yes fear again), of being vulnerable. Showing our barest essence is a terrifying reality.
I can honestly say there are so many women that can relate to this message. I have a few questions for you. What if he wasn’t afraid of love? Maybe you weren’t the woman to bring him out of his shell. Most people, including myself, would hate to feel that the person we love would rather be with someone else. As a result, we would much rather assume we did something wrong. That way we can do something to fix it. Another thing we do is assume there is something wrong with them. That way we don’t have to deal with the rejection of thinking we didn’t do it for them. We want them to feel like we feel and the minute we realize we don’t have that same effect on them, we try to give them more attention and love. More often than not this pushes them even further away and makes us seem needy even if we aren’t. I learned from my own personal experience that I wasn’t a psychologist so there was no point in trying to figure someone out. I did learn not to take it personal and that sometimes two people just don’t fit together. To women who come across men that seem broken and afraid to love, my question for you is, “why take on that “fixer upper?” Just because you believe in love doesn’t mean you have to be the Gandi of love. You can’t save everyone and it’s best to find someone who is better suited for you. No one is perfect. However, there will be someone that not only comes alive when you see them; they will ignite a passionate flame within you that wind cannot extinguish.
That is an interesting point and a great question. Maybe I am not the woman who can bring him out of his shell. Maybe someone else is bestowed that task. It takes a heck of a person to stand back and say “Maybe I was not meant for him” versus “he is just afraid of my love.” I guess in my history I have had a habit of thinking I was “Miss Fix-It”. I had a habit of dating men that were emotionally unavailable. I thought I could convince them to love me when in fact I did not even love myself. I realized you have to love and be secure in your own skin before you can love someone else. I can only change me, not anyone else. I have to stop taking on these “pet projects” since they are not designed to meet my standards. A powerful phrase that was once shared with me still resonates today. It states, “When a man loves you, nothing can keep him away. When a man does not love you, nothing can make him stay.”