Today I ran into a guy that I usually see 2-3 times a week. Sometimes we speak briefly but usually it’s a quick hello. Well today as I’m walking to my destination, he flagged me down and caught up to me. He said “Now I don’t want to get all in your business but a few of us here agree that there is job opening for a new James Bond 007 and we think you and your wife should apply for the position.” I thought that was funny because I thought he was going to ask a personal question based on how he introduced the joke. Anytime someone starts a statement with “I don’t want to be in your business” I’m sure you might have felt the some type of way. However, you too would have been wrong. It was just a compliment from an older gentleman that often tells me he respects what I do and how I’m doing it. Words are everything and how you interpret them is such a heavy subject.
This was a slight misinterpretation of a few words from a guy I hardly know. Think about how many times that could happen in a relationship. Especially if you and the person you choose are drastically different. Remember you have 20 to 40 years of life training without them. There will be a clash of histories and years of habits when you two become one. Make sure it is someone you have evaluated to make sure you are comfortable living with who they are. You also have to keep in mind that depending on how serious they are, they will change certain 30 year old habits for you because they want to and they can. If they can’t make that change in whatever time frame you give yourself, you can safely assume that that is who they are. They will not make a miraculous change once you marry them. As a result, it is important to date with a purpose because your desperation to be desired will have you sacrificing your core beliefs and values. Remember, how you think and every thought you have had up this point have given you everything you see in front of you. With that revelation, the next question to ask yourself would be, “What can I do about this?”
Just because we assume or interpret something one way, doesn’t mean that it is fact. People are pretty much set in their ways when they are approaching their 30’s, so you CANT love based on someone’s potential to be who you desire them to be. When you tell someone “I love you”, you are truly saying “I love you just the way you are”. If they have the desire or willingness change, then (and only then) will they change. Otherwise, you can’t just hope someone will be who you want them to be. It’s critical to not make any permanent decisions about a relationship until you can confidently answer “Yes, this person makes sense, I can love them for who they are and I’m willing to meet their needs for life just as they are willing to meet mine”
You are absolutely correct. However, making those critical evaluations are not only important when choosing a partner; these critical evaluations make an impact on how you handle other decisions for the rest of your life. We indeed have our set ways of thinking and sometimes you and your mate can disagree over the smallest things. Doesn’t mean it has to turn into a full blown argument but those little things build up until it one day turns into a random outburst of anger. In your life have you experienced anything like that?
I have experienced that. This is why it is mission critical to have open communication. Just because you perceive and allow yourself to believe something is one way, it doesn’t make it a fact. It isn’t fair to make a judgment on something you have limited or no knowledge of. I’ve realized the world doesn’t see things the way I do. Instead of assuming, it’s important to ask and understand. This way, how you respond in a relationship is based on an understanding, not an assumption.
Being in a long-distance relationship, clear communication is mission critical. Sometimes things are lost in translation and there have been times when I interpreted my partner’s actions to mean something that they didn’t mean at all. Hanging out with my family is a culture shock for most because most people cannot believe how close we all are. I have conference calls with my sisters every Sunday. Dinners where we can sit around the table and talk for hours doesn’t only happen during holidays, but happen at least once every week. I assumed everyone grew up that way. As a result, I thought it was normal to introduce my family to my new boyfriend a week after we finally made it official. However, when I wasn’t introduced to his so quickly, I assumed it was because he wanted to hide me (even though they heard so much about me). In actuality, his family spent a lot of time conversing via technology and they always had to plan when they could spent time together in person since they were rarely all in the same state. Unbeknownst to me, he had already made plans for me to part of their next family get-together. Due to my assumption, I made a negative conclusion. By communicating, I was able to understand that he can’t easily spend time with his family like I can due to him being out of state. I also realized he scheduled something extra special just so his family could finally meet me. Additionally, he already had this planned way before I brought it up. Just because you believe something, doesn’t make it fact. It isn’t fair to make a judgment on something you have limited knowledge of, especially if you don’t ask any questions.
Thank you for sharing and I am sure there are plenty of people who can relate to your experience. Hopefully this causes them to choose their thoughts wisely.