Should Your ‘Ex’ Be Excommunicated?


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TREO

In regards to being friends with your EX, it depends on the person. There isn’t always a cookie cutter approach to love. This boot camp was designed to provide you with the proper tools so you can make the best decision for you.

With that said, some people can be friends with an EX (even when they are in a new relationship) and everything is fine. However, don’t think for a second that something is wrong if someone doesn’t want their man or woman talking to an EX. It takes strength to set boundaries in your life. Some may think creating this boundary shows a sign of insecurity. However, when you put a fence around your property it’s not because you are insecure about your home, its more about making yourself feel comfortable. For example, if I have a dog and have built a fence around my home, I’m more comfortable about allowing my dog to run free without having to worry about, “is someone going to steal him” or “Is she going to run away?”

If you want to be completely free in a relationship, sometimes you have to set boundaries (put up a fence) that will allow you to be free of jealousy or fear.

Comments & Responses

8 Responses so far.

  1. Sherise says:

    I am friends with my Ex, who is my daughters father, but this is by default. But as far as my other exes, we do not communicate, aside from a Merry Christmas text. And even then, I don’t like that. There is no reason too. It can open a can of worms and maybe even old feelings. We don’t have any mutual friends, so there is really no point to talk to them. I delete them from everything like they never happened, no facebook pics, etc. And this is even if we had a mutual breakup with no hard feelings. How can you move forward with someone in your past still lingering around. Some men are ok with keeping in contact with their exes as to not hurt feelings or burn bridges. I say if it makes the person you are currently in a relationship uncomfortable, then you should not do it.

  2. Takeisha says:

    Well im friends with my ex now, and I like our friendship more as friends. I do believe he always hold a special place in my heart, but I like to confront my feelings of how I feel about him so he wont feel like im taking advantage of him. And it’s usually directly I dont want to be with u, but love to remain friends.

  3. Jessica says:

    I totally agree ! I personally have had exes i was able to set boundaries with and remain friends with them , while being with someone else . Othere i have HAD to make a decision to excommunicate for my own grown and comfortablility knowing i disnt want to go back , i didnt want to put myself in a place i was all too familiar with “giving in , and going back ” so i agree, it is debatable on the person !

  4. Sonya says:

    I just read your blog. It’s definitely a topic that needs to be discussed openly and not swept under the carpet while being ignored. Not everyone can have the Will, Jada and ex-wife experience, if that’s truly how Jada feels. I have seen her talk about her relationship with Will’s ex. In your blog, I thought you stayed pretty neutral on the topic even though you discussed both sides. I think there are several dynamics to consider: was the couple married and for how long, childhood sweethearts (yes or no), children under age 19 involved, how active was the spouse in the children’s lives, was the divorce mutual or nasty and stressful, was infidelity a reason for divorce, was someone verbally and/or physically abused, etc. If the one spouse is married or in a new relationship, the one in the relationship should be open about visitation by the ex when it comes to children involved. If there are no children involved, I hope that individual would be at peace to cut soul ties and count their blessings with the person whom they have created a new life with. I hope that the new partner (spouse) will not be manipulative and allow their new spouse to express how they feel about what place (if any), the ex should have in their lives. If the spouse feels that their should be limited or no contact, then the person in the relationship has some tough decisions and needs to know where her/his loyalties lie. The person needs to know if they want to live in the past or create a happy life with the new person.

  5. Aaron says:

    Great post. My best friend once asked me to look at the words boyfriend and girlfriend. Within in the word is friend. He said that one should be friends while dating and if things don’t work, you can be cordial to one another. As long as your intentions are to just be friends, have fun. If you are friends with the hopes of rekindling, no go.

  6. Ynoh says:

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with being friends with your ex as long as you are honest with yourself about how you feel for your ex and can maintain true boundaries. If you are in a relationship with someone else, how they feel about you having a friendship with your ex plays a part in whether or not you should maintain a relationship with them. If you feel that you and your ex cannot be on the same page as to what the boundaries are, then it is probably not a good idea to continue your friendship. I will say that to me, this applies to two people that have been in a relationship for some extended period of time where there was a quality relationship at some point. I wouldn\’t say the same for a relationship where keeping your ex around is a matter of convenience in some way or another.

  7. Janai says:

    Personally it depends on the circumstances. However I’ve always been cordial but I definitely keep things at a distance. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m friends with any of my ex’s thus far but when we do see each other: we speak, have cordial adult conversation and keep it moving. My first boyfriend he reaches out to me thru text every now and then (prob because he regrets cheating on me, but that’s besides the point LOL) but that is my take. But as far as being best friends and “buddy buddy”…No I’m good. Lol

  8. Hopesees says:

    The only ex that I’m friends with is my daughter’s father and this so we can be great co parents. I think remaining cordial if you happen to run into each other is fine. But maintaining frequent communication as ” friends” can be misleading and doesn’t allow for a clean letting go process. Sometime even when boundaries are set, one party is still hoping they are no longer the ex and a rekindled relationship can happen. If you are in a relationship, I especially feel that “friends” with Ex is an absolute NO NO!
    Just my thoughts

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